The Adventure Begins!

I'm sitting in Dulles International Airport in Washington D.C. with the first leg of my trip behind me. I neck deep in a guide to Spain that Irwin Levin gave me and all I can think about is amazing wines, great museums, fascinating people and the company of my best, best friend Jeff.

I don't know what technology I'll have to effectively relay the experience, but I suppose it might be best to have none; experience it and compartmentalize (as I know I eventually will) later.

I can't believe how busy my days have been lately with the film and trying to get ready for today. Luckily, I succeeded with only a few minor hickups. Luckily again, I had a few good men to help me sort it all out! I made it and I'm on my way!

I will be back June 10 in the evening. Until then, enjoy your weeks and I'll see you on the other side :)

Option 4

I've been doing a lot of thinking the past month. Luckily, I haven't had time to think much the past few days as I booked a gig production managing a short film with these two French directors. More on that later.

I'm running on an empty tank as each day is met with new production challenges. On top of this prepro madness, I'm gearing up to travel to Madrid, Spain for two weeks next Thursday. My roommate J. Wesley Brown has been accepted into a festival there for his photography and tickets were extremely cheap, so I took the chance to have an adventure.

As my days have been filling more and more with freelance work, thoughts of the future continue to infiltrate my daily regime. With each passing day, I've been considering more and more a fourth option in the list I presented last week. Do you have something that makes your heart race? An idea that gets your blood moving and brain synapses firing a mile a minute? I have a growing passion to see the world and how others live/struggle/survive. I want to immerse myself in a culture for months at a time and experience what they experience.

I've always said that my second career would be one in documentary filmmaking. As the summer months begin, my lease is coming up on my apartment and no full-time job in place - I'm (secretly) excited at my lack of structure; at the countless directions in which my life could progress. The reality of my life is that I could move anywhere, take classes, start getting into this career now. I could spend my time learning and growing and extending my passions towards something meaningful and fulfilling. Living in LA and seeing how involved people become in their ladders, their personal growth - this microcosm that we've all come to hold so dear - I want to see more. I want to know what the rest of the world is like an share this with people.

Still, something still pulls me to pursue acting and a career in the mainstream. My brain is battling these opposing forces. Isn't life too short to be waste pursuing a career that seems like the right (or more impressive) choice? Isn't the economy weak enough and jobs scarce enough, that staying in school and avoiding interest on my loans makes more sense? Or, do I stick to my guns and let this autumn career keep its rightful place in my life?

I believe this trip to Spain is going to offer insight to my dilemma. I think being in a different culture might open my eyes to new options and directions for my life. Maybe I'll come back in two weeks and be most thankful for what I already have. I'm not unhappy with my life by any means; I'm just realizing that life is going to take me places I never planned or imagined. I can feel something new coming in my life. The ground is shaking a little and I feel the tremor, but now I'm waiting for the quake to strike. What that will be and what it will mean has yet to be determined. I guess until I know, I'll keep anticipating and guessing and thinking. That's good enough for now.

Good Morning

Spending my Saturday morning above Downtown

Day In and Day Out

This week has been one full of thought. A lot of pondering and evaluating and reevaluating and contemplating and deconstructing and .... it's only Tuesday. I've become a person who's opinions change daily. It's funny how a job ties your world together. It provides a steady schedule, a regulated income, a commitment, a reason to stay, a place to go, a sense of purpose - the list goes on.

While shopping in Trader Joe's today, as I scoured the pasta sauces for my selection, I overheard an older woman speaking to one of the store clerks. "You know why I'm upset? Because today is my first day not at my job after 30 years of working...." Why does our work define everything of who we are? This social disposition is not only inherited, but proudly passed down the generations like a precious family heirloom - that ugly figurine that no one, after 200 years of being in the family has the guts to throw against a wall. It sits there, antiquated, idle, useless in our homes.

Like our heirlooms, this vestige of human working culture continues to grow with each passing generation. With my generation, our twenties are no longer considered a time for "finding oneself," it's now expected to be the peak of your career. I wish someone would declare this ideology irrelevant. I wish someone would throw this tacky figurine against the damn wall. As the weeks pass and no commitment in a full-time job presents itself, I'm beginning to feel like I'm not supposed to have this constant in my life.

I run lists in my head all day - endless equations that lead to countless summations of my life. I don't think there has been, or ever will be, an easy answer in this area of my life (or any area really). I think I'm always going to be searching for the next big thing, the next experience that will define those preceding years of my life.

I get stuck in that endless train of thought we all hit now and again: What path should I take? Where should I be? Am I making the right decision? And then I think... why bother worrying about it. If there's one thing I've learned this year it's that worrying gets you nowhere. So what are my options?

Option 1: Full-Time Sell Out

Cash in my dreams temporarily and work a full-time job, not necessarily in the entertainment field. Full-time work means full-time pay means little financial worries now. I can pursue my dreams later.

Option 2: Freelance Twitch-fest

Continue to hustle and whore myself out to different production teams. Trust that if I continue to pay it forward then I'll find myself provided for at the end of the every month. This option allows me to also act and pursue this career, but the reality is that faith in this system still leaves me nervous.

Option 3: FML I'm a Waiter.... I mean "actor"

Settle into this stereotypical lifestyle that I, for some reason, cannot seem to wrap my head around. Work long hours at a job that offers little to the imagination so that I could pursue the dream of acting full-time.

Day to day, my mind evaluates and reevaluates these options. I think I'm further along then most people my age though as I know all the necessary ingredients for my life - I simply haven't quite figured out the recipe. I'll keep trying different combinations until I get this thing right. In the meanwhile, I can always preheat the oven. That should buy me some time. If not, there's always "Option 4" ...

23rd Birthday

So, in an effort to feel caught up with this thing, here's a quick review of my 23rd Birthday!

Amazing food. Amazing friends.

Alex tells a good story.

The Odd Couple.

Lady R.

Rachel. Always classy.

Where'd you come from?

Well, if you insist!

I consider myself a very lucky person to be where I am at this point in my life. I've been living in LA a year now - which I can't believe - and I feel grounded and happy with my life. As I said before, my situation changes daily, but even in this uncertainty, there's a great sense of peace and happiness in having a home, a core of friends and a family that I can rely on.

Needless to say, my birthday reminded me that I have a great deal to be thankful for. I have a good feeling about 23.

Work Force Chameleon

Sorry for the delay in entrees, but as of late, I have been wholly uninspired to write a single thing. I don't know why, but everything feels like a labor. Sitting down, constructing clever thoughts and thinking about any picture larger than today just doesn't seem possible. It's amazing how much my life changes on a daily basis. Now in my second month of "unemployment," I no longer consider myself unemployed.

First of all, I want to make it clear that although the last several entrees have revolved around my current occupational shortcomings, I by no mean intend to diminish the struggles of anyone else. I don't see my state as a unique one, nor do I think that my plight is heavier than the burden or anyone else in my situation.

That being said, I no longer consider myself unemployed. I have taken the the world of freelance. This world is populated by hustlers, climbers, jacks and janes of every trade and the veritable swiss-army of assistants. We're everywhere, pushing and clawing for the next gig. Waiting patiently until our next payload. Networking intricate webs of work-related connections that would make Charlotte jealous.

Is it steady? No.

Is is safe? No.

Does that make it even more gratifying to succeed in freelance? Yes.

I consider myself a pretty self-aware person. Knowing me, I'll look back on this time in my life when I have steady work and pay and I'll long for the rag tag days of yore. The thrill of the chase and the satisfaction in a job well-earned and a job well-done.

There's nothing quite like production. You find yourself in a new situation every single day. Each morning you wake up and don a new hat: The personal assistant, the artist, the casting director, the coordinator, the handler, the stylist, the right-hand man. It's a new challenge every turn and every challenge is met by a team of people devoted to a single goal. Your crew becomes your family: you help each other, you fight and bicker, you rely on each other and eventually you congratulate each other on a job well done (or - eventually - you laugh together at a job miserably failed).

This has become my life. I hustle for the next job - the next paycheck. I work 18 hour days so I can take weeks off at a time. I sit back and trust God that all of these things will fall into place and I'll be OK. As a matter of fact, I don't think there's any other way I could survive in this field - but to have faith.