The human psyche is a fairly puzzling thing - I think that's safe to say. Why do we do the things we do? What countless numbers of outcomes per any given situation fuel our motivations? Why do we connect with certain people? Is it the place, time, convenience, need; the list goes on.
Relationships are one of the most invaluable aspects of my life. I've made that clear, whether it be my family, my friends, significant others or my colleagues. There are people in my life that fall into one of these categories and others that encompass all; and if you know me, you know I take my relationships very seriously. I've been built to function in a support system. While, I'm independent enough to "go it alone," I don't think people were meant to thrive this way. Everyone has someone that they draw strength and insight from in some form or another. I'd be hard-pressed to think of anyone who is truly a one-man show.
Still, we often encounter people who operate regardless of the world around them - they are tough, fierce and impenetrable. If the rest of the world doesn't "get it," then to hell with them. It's not that person's problem.
The more I grow, the more I realize that people cannot operate this way and be truly happy. God knows I have tried, but to little avail. I have attempted making decisions and choices without regard to the world around me. I've been determined to carve my path in spite of what others think. I've done all of these things, but the fact of the matter is is that human beings are social creatures. We rely on interaction, contact, acceptance and love to survive emotionally.
I say these things very carefully. I do not mean to impress that I believe we should fear the opinions of the masses or to simply mold ourselves to what we're taught and told to believe; no. What I intend to impart from my personal experiences is that I'm learning more now than ever that a strong support system is one of the most invaluable things in life and worth the battle wounds and scar tissue that inevitably come while searching for one.
Days turn into weeks into months into years - we've all heard this. With the passage of time comes seasons and with seasons come change; some are inevitable and others unexpected. Growing up in Philadelphia, I'd watch the leaves turn every Fall. By winter, bare trees would freeze until Spring brought a fresh bloom. Beneath all of this, the roots that anchor these trees quietly and ceaselessly provide the nutrients necessary for the tree to survive and re-bloom every single year.
A wise friend often reminds me that relationships operate very similarly. There are those in your life who are the foundation, your roots. You trust them to always be there and sustain you no matter what season. Then, there are those people who are branches. Strong extensions of the former, the branches form the shape and character of your life. Branches can also break and fall away as time and seasons wear on just as new branches grow. Finally, there are the leaves. Entirely seasonal, these people offer shade and sustenance until the sun changes its angle and a new season begins. New leaves will grow in the name of a similar fate; they simply flutter away in the wind or die as the cold sets in.
I have been here for two years now and I'm continually learning where to find my support in LA. Who are the people I turn to and trust? Where do I connect? Why do I connect? How do I figure out which people will fall away with a strong gust of wind or who will branch out from my core or root me in unwavering support? Unfortunately, I think this only comes with experience.
Yes, this interpersonal intuition come with time, with effort and with wounds. It comes from constantly pursing these connections and feeling out the human condition. It comes from not giving up even when a branch gives out or when Winter reclaims its leaves back to the Earth. It means loving amidst all the shades of grey the exist in our heads and under the shade of our tree.
The pursuit of the relationship is one I gladly undertake. It's one I do not fear, despite its dangers and its traps. I choose to find the roots, learn from loss and love the journey.
