Notes: Relationships

For the past month I have been taking a class at my church, Oasis in LA. I love this place partly I can literally walk there from apartment. There's an amazing sense of community, which has been a crucial part of my transition and establishing some solid roots. The church itself has an energy that I haven't experienced in a long time. There are solid leaders, volunteers, parishioners - you get the point.

Anyways, this week at class, the topic was "Why are relationships so healing?"

Cricket.... needless to say, this touchy choice of topics was something that I needed to hear and I thought I might pass along my class notes. Don't let the teacher catch you cheating.

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Why are relationships so hearing?

• Healthy human development is based off of two things: Nourishment and Protection
• Relationships provide us with both.

"Healthy development" is described by two key traits: Maturity and Security

• Someone who is mature is someone who demonstrates self-control despite their feelings; it's someone who does NOT live by impulses; it's someone who is NOT self-absorbed and self-involved
• Someone who is secure is someone who is NOT driven constantly to prove something; is someone who does NOT look for approval or prove that they need to be valued and loved; is someone who does NOT covet or compete with others.

Relationships...

1. Starve you and break you
2. Feed you and heal you

Love is a verb... it's something you do NOT something you feel. You honor those you love with your actions.

Question: What do relationships provide?
Answer: The definition of love:

• Acceptance: we need to get the green light from God, as well as, our loved ones in order to be public with ours lives, because our actions/life affects them directly. We all struggle - we need to understand that about one another. Put your struggles into the perspective of others'.
  
• Accountability: "I love you enough to be concerned about your life... I'm concerned because it matters to me and it affects others."
• Affirmation: Knowing you matter to other people. To know that someone will act on your behalf. To know that someone grieves when you grieve and rejoices when you rejoice.

Balance in our relational life comes when we balance our source, supplements and service:

1. First and foremost, look to God as our source for nourishment and protection
2. Balance the people we NEED (supplements)...
3. ...with the people who NEED US (service)
   

*Burn your expectations of others and look to God as the course of security and nourishment. This will lead us to healthy, developed relationships.

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Good, right? I thought so. It went a little further into what a relationship with God means, but I thought this excerpt was a little more universal for now. I think what I took away the most was realizing that God desires for us to have healthy relationships, but that does NOT mean they will come easily. Also, examining what healthy human development means and how this relates to our need to love and be loved. Finally - that we should put our struggles in the perspective of others'.

Alright, that's enough for right now. Have a great weekend!