Balancing Act

I'm beginning to wonder where the balance is between...

work and creativity
patience and happiness
choice and fate
East and West
want and need.

I hate being a downer and I'm not a depressive type at all, but I'm just having one of those overly introspective days where I constantly analyze everything in my life. Were the choices I made in the past four months the right ones? Am I being proactive about my passions? Am I stuck on a track of my own design?

Well, first of all, I know that I have to stand by my choices. Doubt is a poison that infects every aspect of my life - if I let it. I know that my passions in life sometimes need to secondary to my needs.

I don't have an easy justification for that last question. I don't know if I'm stuck. What I do know, is that being pinned down, stagnant, stuck; that's probably my biggest fear in life. Commitment hates me and I hate commitment. There have been (and are) a few instances in my life where I have actively sought commitment. Those few instances usually come at a point where I feel ready and willing to relinquish control in that area of my life. Allowing myself to not rely on my own micromanagement is a big deal. I think these instances also come when I am happy with that area of my life. The happier I am, the more likely I am to let another someone or something else in.

Sharing: that's a pretty tall order. As a child, it's a hard lesson to learn and share your brand new toy with your siblings or classmates. So why, after 22 years, doesn't it get any easier?

Don't get me wrong. I'm not unhappy. I'm very pleased with how far I've come these past few months. I've jump so many hurdles and have had the opportunity to celebrate so many victories.

Still, sometimes, I just wake up with these and a hundred more questions about my own life. So again, I ask: Where is the balance? How does/can someone balance their emotional and physical life? Is there a balance? A sense of peace? A nirvana? Or are we all part of life's playground - seesawing our way through life?