A new season.

I'm finding difficulty with my words.

Living in my worlds.

Left LA, the summer behind

I freed my mind.

The seasons change, this one feels fresh

something new to quest

Bound or apart, my mind might race

Peace I find in one embrace

I keep restarting this entry - I couldn't finish the stanzas. It's been an intense couple of weeks since being back. Fall has certainly arrived. I feel the new season in almost every aspect of my life. Having spent so much time away from LA, I've come back and seen my day-to-day life for what it is. I enjoy my routine. I enjoy my work; this freelancing, working for myself, having my own office with my best friend. Things are hard sometimes, but I manage. I support myself. I maintain great friendships. I have a home. I feel like I have a future.

These feelings are all fleeting. My life feels so incremental, each notch a different emotive state, it's incredible that I can write this entry through without changing my mind. For now though, I'm enjoying the change in season. I enjoyed the rain today - the first rain which always feels the city feeling clean.

I think I feel cleaner now. Not too sure why. Some clarity has come over the last month or so. Something of confidence or assurance in my life. I feel like I'm learning who I am at a faster pace now. Without the hurdles of adolesence or schoolwork, or becoming an adult or finding a job - I'm jumping with more agility. My feet seem to be landing square on the ground.

This day-to-day feels very different from when I left. The rain is washing away some of the dust and haze of the warmer months. I stood on the top of Runyan Canyon for the first time in a long while yesterday, the cooler air filling my lungs, looking at the reflection of the waning sun on the ocean miles away and I felt truly happy.

I'm sure some crisis will come along soon enough and I'll write multiple entries to this one to help cope. In the meantime, I think I'm learning the value of being present and enjoying the moment in my work, in my relationships, in my daily life. Maybe that is what feels different. I'm not calculating outcomes or exit strategies; instead, I'm finding the peace in the moment. In feeling and acknowledging and moving forward. Maybe that's it.

First Fire

As soon as 6 pm struck this Friday afternoon, my senses took over.  Here's why:

1. Temperatures in the low 60's

2. Walking out of work during the richest red, yellows and oranges of sunset

3. Seeing children running home from after-school activities with their parents

4. Brown and yellow leaves falling to the ground

5. Putting the fireplace on for the first time

6. Taking a walk, hoodies on, moon illuminating the moving clouds

7. Lying in bed and hearing the wind, leaves rustling on the ground and trains in the distance - I seriously feel like I'm 8 years old lying in my bedroom in King of Prussia

Tonight is really making me miss the East Coast fall season, but it also makes me think that in all of the days of monotony that come with the weather in Los Angeles - it's a night like this that makes fall worth it on the West Coast.

I think I realized for the first time today, that I'd miss fall in Los Angeles as much I miss Fall on the East Coast if I left.