For the most part, walking around Boston was refreshing, a welcome familiarity. There were times, however, when I felt displaced and apart from that life; like I was walking in the shadows or past an impression of my own experiences.
Walking through the snow in the Commons
Coffee at 1 Charles St. Starbucks
A pint at the Hill Tavern
Small, cozy apartments stuffed with books and used furniture.
Warped, wood floors curving around small hallways.
Gas lamp lined streets...
Beacon Hill
Beacon Hill always makes me feel good inside. No matter how rough my day might have been or what social drama had unfolded, there was something about returning to Beacon Hill and feeling safe. I never realized how isolated this part of Boston remains. Despite its acessibility numerous T lines and its location in the center of downtown; Beacon Hill feels remote and separate. It puts my mind at rest and feels safe. I never realized it before.
Other parts of the city made my head pulse; strange memories coursing through my brain. It wasn't any one particular memory, but a simple, distinct feeling of the past. Feeling nostalgic and feeling like you're in the past are two very different feelings. Nostalgia, is just that - but living in the past can be a scary feeling. I realized that the vast majority of Boston feels like the past to me. I found myself missing Los Angeles. At first this saddened me, that I couldn't remain present enough to enjoy my time off, but then I realized the significance of this longing.
I realized half way through my trip that I missed LA because I missed my home. I realized that my decision to stay in LA was the correct choice, that the comfort of this seemingly alien place had replaced the fear and longing of familiarity with a new semblance of happiness. I can miss and appreciate my home while enjoying my time apart from it. I can have both.
This is unbelievable considering the state of mind in which I started this journey. I began this blog to help chronicle my transition into adulthood. I came to Los Angeles with a scant amount friends, very little money, no family within thousands of miles of me and no home. As I enter the last quarter of my first year here, I realize that I have jumped every one of these hurdles. I've added volumes to my personal encyclopedia:
I have earned my stay here
and found a home
Scavenged and fought for my own necessities
and remained financially independent of my family
I weathered the post-graduation slump
but remembered how to laugh at myself
I found God
and remembered what it means to believe in myself
I have felt successful, unstoppable
and completely helpless
I know now what it means to love
and learned the value of loneliness
I have felt pure joy at the prospect of having it all
and total fear at the thought of losing everything
Life is this series of contradictions. Revelations happen in pairs. I'm thankful for this vacation and for my incessant need to get perspective. From Boston to LA, I feel like I'm coming to the end of this transitory period of my life for which the outset of this blog was meant. Now, it's about a series of steps; putting one foot in front of the other and always moving forward.
Boston is my memory, LA is my present and I'm feeling very prepared for whatever shape my future takes.
Other parts of the city made my head pulse; strange memories coursing through my brain. It wasn't any one particular memory, but a simple, distinct feeling of the past. Feeling nostalgic and feeling like you're in the past are two very different feelings. Nostalgia, is just that - but living in the past can be a scary feeling. I realized that the vast majority of Boston feels like the past to me. I found myself missing Los Angeles. At first this saddened me, that I couldn't remain present enough to enjoy my time off, but then I realized the significance of this longing.
I realized half way through my trip that I missed LA because I missed my home. I realized that my decision to stay in LA was the correct choice, that the comfort of this seemingly alien place had replaced the fear and longing of familiarity with a new semblance of happiness. I can miss and appreciate my home while enjoying my time apart from it. I can have both.
This is unbelievable considering the state of mind in which I started this journey. I began this blog to help chronicle my transition into adulthood. I came to Los Angeles with a scant amount friends, very little money, no family within thousands of miles of me and no home. As I enter the last quarter of my first year here, I realize that I have jumped every one of these hurdles. I've added volumes to my personal encyclopedia:
I have earned my stay here
and found a home
Scavenged and fought for my own necessities
and remained financially independent of my family
I weathered the post-graduation slump
but remembered how to laugh at myself
I found God
and remembered what it means to believe in myself
I have felt successful, unstoppable
and completely helpless
I know now what it means to love
and learned the value of loneliness
I have felt pure joy at the prospect of having it all
and total fear at the thought of losing everything
Life is this series of contradictions. Revelations happen in pairs. I'm thankful for this vacation and for my incessant need to get perspective. From Boston to LA, I feel like I'm coming to the end of this transitory period of my life for which the outset of this blog was meant. Now, it's about a series of steps; putting one foot in front of the other and always moving forward.
Boston is my memory, LA is my present and I'm feeling very prepared for whatever shape my future takes.
2 Thoughts:
I just got home to LA from my vacation in Boston. This was the first time since graduating in May that I have returned. My four days in the city were full of reunions, cold weather and thinking. Per the usual, getting a fresh perspective on my life was an underlying priority. I'm finding now that leaving LA almost always becomes about obtaining a new vantage point. Where have I been? Where am I going? Just, keeping myself in check really.
Other parts of the city made my head pulse; strange memories coursing through my brain. It wasn't any one particular memory, but a simple, distinct feeling of the past. Feeling nostalgic and feeling like you're in the past are two very different feelings. Nostalgia, is just that - but living in the past can be a scary feeling. I realized that the vast majority of Boston feels like the past to me. I found myself missing Los Angeles. At first this saddened me, that I couldn't remain present enough to enjoy my time off, but then I realized the significance of this longing.
I realized half way through my trip that I missed LA because I missed my home. I realized that my decision to stay in LA was the correct choice, that the comfort of this seemingly alien place had replaced the fear and longing of familiarity with a new semblance of happiness. I can miss and appreciate my home while enjoying my time apart from it. I can have both.
This is unbelievable considering the state of mind in which I started this journey. I began this blog to help chronicle my transition into adulthood. I came to Los Angeles with a scant amount friends, very little money, no family within thousands of miles of me and no home. As I enter the last quarter of my first year here, I realize that I have jumped every one of these hurdles. I've added volumes to my personal encyclopedia:
I have earned my stay here
and found a home
Scavenged and fought for my own necessities
and remained financially independent of my family
I weathered the post-graduation slump
but remembered how to laugh at myself
I found God
and remembered what it means to believe in myself
I have felt successful, unstoppable
and completely helpless
I know now what it means to love
and learned the value of loneliness
I have felt pure joy at the prospect of having it all
and total fear at the thought of losing everything
Life is this series of contradictions. Revelations happen in pairs. I'm thankful for this vacation and for my incessant need to get perspective. From Boston to LA, I feel like I'm coming to the end of this transitory period of my life for which the outset of this blog was meant. Now, it's about a series of steps; putting one foot in front of the other and always moving forward.
Boston is my memory, LA is my present and I'm feeling very prepared for whatever shape my future takes.
I just got home to LA from my vacation in Boston. This was the first time since graduating in May that I have returned. My four days in the city were full of reunions, cold weather and thinking. Per the usual, getting a fresh perspective on my life was an underlying priority. I'm finding now that leaving LA almost always becomes about obtaining a new vantage point. Where have I been? Where am I going? Just, keeping myself in check really.
Other parts of the city made my head pulse; strange memories coursing through my brain. It wasn't any one particular memory, but a simple, distinct feeling of the past. Feeling nostalgic and feeling like you're in the past are two very different feelings. Nostalgia, is just that - but living in the past can be a scary feeling. I realized that the vast majority of Boston feels like the past to me. I found myself missing Los Angeles. At first this saddened me, that I couldn't remain present enough to enjoy my time off, but then I realized the significance of this longing.
I realized half way through my trip that I missed LA because I missed my home. I realized that my decision to stay in LA was the correct choice, that the comfort of this seemingly alien place had replaced the fear and longing of familiarity with a new semblance of happiness. I can miss and appreciate my home while enjoying my time apart from it. I can have both.
This is unbelievable considering the state of mind in which I started this journey. I began this blog to help chronicle my transition into adulthood. I came to Los Angeles with a scant amount friends, very little money, no family within thousands of miles of me and no home. As I enter the last quarter of my first year here, I realize that I have jumped every one of these hurdles. I've added volumes to my personal encyclopedia:
I have earned my stay here
and found a home
Scavenged and fought for my own necessities
and remained financially independent of my family
I weathered the post-graduation slump
but remembered how to laugh at myself
I found God
and remembered what it means to believe in myself
I have felt successful, unstoppable
and completely helpless
I know now what it means to love
and learned the value of loneliness
I have felt pure joy at the prospect of having it all
and total fear at the thought of losing everything
Life is this series of contradictions. Revelations happen in pairs. I'm thankful for this vacation and for my incessant need to get perspective. From Boston to LA, I feel like I'm coming to the end of this transitory period of my life for which the outset of this blog was meant. Now, it's about a series of steps; putting one foot in front of the other and always moving forward.
Boston is my memory, LA is my present and I'm feeling very prepared for whatever shape my future takes.
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