Work Force Chameleon

Sorry for the delay in entrees, but as of late, I have been wholly uninspired to write a single thing. I don't know why, but everything feels like a labor. Sitting down, constructing clever thoughts and thinking about any picture larger than today just doesn't seem possible. It's amazing how much my life changes on a daily basis. Now in my second month of "unemployment," I no longer consider myself unemployed.

First of all, I want to make it clear that although the last several entrees have revolved around my current occupational shortcomings, I by no mean intend to diminish the struggles of anyone else. I don't see my state as a unique one, nor do I think that my plight is heavier than the burden or anyone else in my situation.

That being said, I no longer consider myself unemployed. I have taken the the world of freelance. This world is populated by hustlers, climbers, jacks and janes of every trade and the veritable swiss-army of assistants. We're everywhere, pushing and clawing for the next gig. Waiting patiently until our next payload. Networking intricate webs of work-related connections that would make Charlotte jealous.

Is it steady? No.

Is is safe? No.

Does that make it even more gratifying to succeed in freelance? Yes.

I consider myself a pretty self-aware person. Knowing me, I'll look back on this time in my life when I have steady work and pay and I'll long for the rag tag days of yore. The thrill of the chase and the satisfaction in a job well-earned and a job well-done.

There's nothing quite like production. You find yourself in a new situation every single day. Each morning you wake up and don a new hat: The personal assistant, the artist, the casting director, the coordinator, the handler, the stylist, the right-hand man. It's a new challenge every turn and every challenge is met by a team of people devoted to a single goal. Your crew becomes your family: you help each other, you fight and bicker, you rely on each other and eventually you congratulate each other on a job well done (or - eventually - you laugh together at a job miserably failed).

This has become my life. I hustle for the next job - the next paycheck. I work 18 hour days so I can take weeks off at a time. I sit back and trust God that all of these things will fall into place and I'll be OK. As a matter of fact, I don't think there's any other way I could survive in this field - but to have faith.

Unemployment: Week 2

A week has passed and another week moves on. Since we last spoke, I've had three interviews, worked on a video and lined up some assistant gigs. Other notables include being awarded unemployment by the state of California, having an SUV almost crash through the large window in my living room and hiking, a lot of hiking.

Remember that time I said that transitory part of my life (and this blog) had mostly come to an end? Maybe I spoke to soon, but I think it's more likely that I just misspoke. Transition is an ongoing, ever-evolving part of our daily lives. We are creatures designed to adapt - from one situation to the next, one job to the next, one relationship to the next - you get the picture. Just when you think you have figured everything out in your life, God or the universe or whatever you believe in throws you curve ball. It knocks you down and its up to you to pick up the pieces and regroup.

This new lifestyle has been very bittersweet. I love having all of this time to myself to get my administrative tasks done, to meet with friends, to be out in the sun. Conversely, I hate having all of this time to myself, to live in silence and thought, to worry about where my income is going to come from. Then again, it's given me time to think about better things, explore Los Angeles more and pray. Do you see where I am going with this?

Despite all of this pseudo-intellectual surmising and pontification (you like that?), I can say one thing with absolute certainty. I've been shown a great deal of support from my family and friends. For this I'm truly thankful. I've found energy and motivation in talking to my ongoing support system and in finding new ways to reconnect with my growing system out here. Never underestimate the power of showing someone you care. The smallest sign of understanding and concern can go a long, long way.

And for this, I thank you all!

Oh yeah...

I just realized that I left something big out of the last few posts.

So, I've been writing about how I'll be leaving HSI and that I've been making the transition into freelancing, etc.. Well, an interesting turn of events has changed my "plan" yet again. Two Fridays ago, during my last full week, one of the execs hollered (yes, that's the correct verb) for me. One of our director's assistants had decided to move to Maine with his wife, leaving the position open. He proposed that I step in on a trial period as his assistant. I did, and all parties have agreed that this will become my permanent (or as some would say --- "permalance" --- permanent freelance. Just me? Ok anyway...) position at HSI.

I know what you're thinking :
"But I thought you were better off leaving?"
"Weren't things better this way?"
"What about that fresh start in the right direction!?"

Well yes, I was looking for all of that and I would say that my leaving HSI would have been a blessing in disguise (as are most drastic, unexpected changes); however, this job is much different from my previous job as a 2nd Assistant upstairs. I've now moved downstairs to work as Simon Cole's assistant. Working with the VP and EP of Music Video was much more demanding on a day to day basis. Simon constantly works in LA, NY and the UK. What does that mean? Well, it means that I have a great deal more time to myself as his needs/tasks can be dealt with on on Blackberry and/or computer (aka anywhere). Simon sat me down and explained that I should use this job to my advantage. Work my butt off for him and, in the inevitbale downtime, work my butt off for myself; go on auditions, produce, write, etc..

This job has been an enormous, unexpected blessing. I now have been given the opportunity to have the best of both worlds. The stability of steady work with a great company and the freedom to actively persue my own interests and careers goals. So, with the new year coming, my previous goals remain the same: begin 2009 with a fresh perspective and enlivened spirit to pursue my dreams and remember the reasons I set out here in the first place.

Clear the air

New car. New apartment. New Job. Check, check, check.

I find it hard to believe that things came together as they did - almost exactly as I said they would to those who wondered why in the hell I'd be moving to Los Angeles. It's like when you graduate high school or college and everyone asks you (at least once per conversation) where you are going to school or what you're going to do next; you rattle off your strategic 5-year plan of attack over and over and over again. Well, it's no surprise that after a while you start to believe it. Well, I did and I guess rounding the three month mark here in LA, I'm a little awestruck at how things fell into place for me.

Something else that's weird, almost existential, is now and again I have these - I don't know what to call them - moments? feelings? realizations? that this is my life. I wake up everyday and go to work. I go until 6 or 7, come home, eat and pass out and then I wake up and do it all over again. I do love my job and I'm excited to see what steps will come later in life, but each day that passes, it becomes glaringly obvious that I need a creative outlet. By creative outlet, I mean that I need to stay proactive about pursuing acting professionally.

It's going to become really easy to fall into this pattern that I've worked so hard to set up for myself the past few months. A rut does not sound appealing and completely loosing sight of why I cam out here in the first sounds even worse. Fortunately, I have side projects (like everyone else in this town it seems) that keep me sane. Currently, I'm line-producing a short film/musical entitled "Door-to-Door." I'll explain more about that later. We had one of our first production meetings this week and everyone has their concerns. I have my concerns. The difference between the two, is that I have to (at least) pretend like I'm not worried - I got it under control - unload all your worries on me and I'll fix it.

Usually, I love being that guy, but I just can't seem to get past the exhaustion that comes from going to work everyday and then coming home - and expecting myself to be productive. Where did the switch happen? How was I able to go to class everyday in college, do homework and then drink heavily for 4/7 days of the week in college (well ... freshman year anyway). Now, I can barely stay awake after going to work. I'm waiting for my body to adjust to adult life and everything to click. I can't see that happening anytime soon though...