New Ink!

In the spirit of remembering where I came from as I continue on in my journey - a steady theme in my day to day life - I finally got my new tattoo courtesy of Bill at The Tattoo Lounge on Venice Blvd.

I first got the idea a year ago during Christmas when I saw the original design on a t-shirt at Ubiq in Philadelphia. When I finally returned home 8 months later, I went back and ended up chatting with one of the reps there. I explained to him the design and he said the artist was a buddy of his. I gave him my information with the thin hope that he might actually contact me. A few weeks later, there he was in my inbox. I told him what I wanted and why and he supplied me with a fresh version of the design.

I finally bit the bullet and made the appointment for Sunday. I couldn't be happier! Luckily, my friend was standing by to watch me cringe - and too my credit, I held my own pretty well! I will admit, my arm is pretty sore right now though! In any case, there she is!

The State of the Union

It's a been a beat since I've really sat down and given some thought to writing these past few weeks. I won't bombard you with a twenty page dissertation, although I feel i could write one; instead, I'll do a few smaller entrees to break it up (and make it look like I've written more this month).

I guess I'll start with the job hunt. Yes, I'm still unemployed, filling my days with online searches, phone calls and coffee breaks. Sometimes, it's a lot of fun, but mostly it's stressful. Stressful to the point of mental cloudiness and foreboding emotional forecasts. We'll get to that a little bit later.

I've been applying to numerous jobs a day and making calls to every person I know in the Greater Los Angeles Area in hopes of a new lead. There have been a few opportunities, but mostly I wait.

I consider myself a proactive person: I haven't slept past 9:30 on the weekdays, I've successfully secured unemployment benefits from the government and I apply everyday to at least three jobs. Some opportunities have come my way, but it's all a waiting game. Waiting for things to actually go through. Waiting for a green light. Hurrying up to wait. I've filled this time with new activities. I've been working out about everyday; hiking, yoga, pushups, pull ups, etc etc. I cook for myself now. I eat healthy. I think I'm in the best shape of my life.

In lieu of full-time work, I've also found a few day gigs, assisting directors, sitting desk, getting on music video shoots. I use plural, but I think I've actually done each of those once now. Let's not sugarcoat the situation. Still, between all of these different paychecks, I'm getting by. I've resigned myself to not panicking anymore. It does no good and more often than not, it makes things worse.

I'm working this coming Thursday, Friday, Monday and Tuesday sitting desk at my old job at HSI for one of the executive assistants. I'm excited to be out of my house and off my couch. I'll still be on my computer all day, juggling my situation and my bosses, but the change of scenery will be great. I'll be happy as a clam - or maybe more like an oyster. An oyster with a pearl. A pearl that the oyster pawns for money to pay his rent.

A huge positive about of this whole experience is that I'm beginning to dip my toes back into acting. Networking with other actors, sitting in on a master class and, yes, even auditioning. Randomly, I found myself signed up for two auditions this week. I won't describe the projects because I don't want to jinx them, but I'm excited to finally start this journey! Auditioning is a skill apart from acting. A skill which requires lots of practice. Practice which I haven't had much of the past year. I think, thought, that I'm ready to tackle the beast and this weekend will be the first of many, many auditions in my near future. This venture is it's own full-time job!

So, that's about it on the job front right now. I'm secretly hoping I'll be sitting desk this week and another job will open up, or some I'll get to talk to some producer that puts me on another gig. We'll see. This game is all about the hustle, who you know and lots of luck (or fate or divine intervention - however you wish to view it). And so, the waiting game continues. Patience truly is a virtue and it's a lesson I welcome. Sort of.

Unemployment: Week 2

A week has passed and another week moves on. Since we last spoke, I've had three interviews, worked on a video and lined up some assistant gigs. Other notables include being awarded unemployment by the state of California, having an SUV almost crash through the large window in my living room and hiking, a lot of hiking.

Remember that time I said that transitory part of my life (and this blog) had mostly come to an end? Maybe I spoke to soon, but I think it's more likely that I just misspoke. Transition is an ongoing, ever-evolving part of our daily lives. We are creatures designed to adapt - from one situation to the next, one job to the next, one relationship to the next - you get the picture. Just when you think you have figured everything out in your life, God or the universe or whatever you believe in throws you curve ball. It knocks you down and its up to you to pick up the pieces and regroup.

This new lifestyle has been very bittersweet. I love having all of this time to myself to get my administrative tasks done, to meet with friends, to be out in the sun. Conversely, I hate having all of this time to myself, to live in silence and thought, to worry about where my income is going to come from. Then again, it's given me time to think about better things, explore Los Angeles more and pray. Do you see where I am going with this?

Despite all of this pseudo-intellectual surmising and pontification (you like that?), I can say one thing with absolute certainty. I've been shown a great deal of support from my family and friends. For this I'm truly thankful. I've found energy and motivation in talking to my ongoing support system and in finding new ways to reconnect with my growing system out here. Never underestimate the power of showing someone you care. The smallest sign of understanding and concern can go a long, long way.

And for this, I thank you all!

Email

Hey All!

I promised myself that after graduating college, I would keep in touch with the people that made a difference in my life up to this point. I penned this list on the plane to Los Angeles 7 months ago. A lot has happened since graduating Emerson College in May. Some things haven't changed much. I wanted to take this chance to first and foremost say thank you for everything you taught me and the skills you pushed me to acquire. It sounds contrived, but really, I wouldn't be where I am now without your guidance and help!

I went into Emerson College as an Acting BFA and rather than re-auditioning at the end of my second year for the studio, I decided that I would switch to the BA program and graduate a year early. So, I graduated this past May with a degree in Theatre Studies: Acting and Directing. I packed up in Boston and 4 days later moved to Los Angeles. Although I had walked in graduation, I spent my first two months in Los Angeles participating in Emerson's LA Program. I did my best to use this time as a launching pad for my transition in my new home. As many of you know, I spent the past several summers working in Los Angeles - living in cheap apartments and figuring out the traffic patterns. I was lucky enough to work for companies like HBO, Abrams Artist Agency and at Sunset Gower Studios.

This summer, in accordance with the LA Program, I took on another full time internship along with two classes (The Business of Acting and a Screenwriter's Workshop). So five days a week, I worked at HSI Productions (commercial and music video production) as an assistant to the Executive Producer of Music Video and the VP of the company from 9-6 and then went to class in Burbank from 7-10:30. Needless to say, this summer wasn't much of a break. I had a great opportunity though. I was lucky enough to graduate early and move to Los Angeles without the stress of finding a job, apartment or car immediately. Instead, these two months allowed me to fashion all of this and a life for myself before the last day of class - making for a pretty seamless transition.

Sounds like roses right? Wrong. I can honestly say that these first few months were some of the most stressful in my life. Panicked job interviews, getting a good deal on an apartment - trying to feel at home... all of these things severely weighed me down. I ended up staying with HSI Productions as a full time 2nd Assistant. I got into this entirely new world of production I'd never even considered, but after months of working here, my emotional changes were becoming a larger force than the physical changes. I kept asking myself why I moved to LA in the first place? What were my passions. I learned that although I have man interests and many career goals - the people that rise to the top are those who focus on one thing. They give 110% to a dream and pursue it at all costs.

I have fought my whole life over this. I gave my maximum effort to many areas - I stretched myself thin. I became a jack of all trade (master of none!) I knew that I had to take this opportunity - this time new life - to change my focus to one area. I came to LA to act. With this in mind, I planned on quitting the security of my job at HSI to pursue acting and waiting tables. How fortunate that HSI beat me to the punch? In the wake of the economic downturn I was laid off as my company was loosing money. They were nice enough to promise me at least 3 day weeks until the end of the year. What did this mean for me? Another frantic job hunt! Getting creative with my finances! I decided that I would hit freelance production full force - PAing on sets, trying to get gigs as a production coordinator - on the track to becoming a producer.

It's funny how we panic when our lives are turned upside down. We scramble and push to regain control over the pieces of our lives, but when it comes down to it, the pieces fall back into place on their own. On the last day of my full time position I was walking out the door when one of the executives stopped me. One of the director's assistants had decided to quit and move from LA with his family. This left the position open. I was to sit desk temporarily. The next week, it became a permanent position. I know what you're thinking: "But Mark! What about pursuing your dreams and sticking to one passion?" I decided "Screw my dreams! I need money!" Actually, I 'm kidding. I kept the job because I sat down with the director and explained to him my realizations. He encouraged me to leave the office and get away from my desk. He wants me to turn my cell phone off during auditions so he can't bother me. He was me to produce my one work. There's a lot of downtime as a director's assistant - as he is often not in the office due to work and travel. I have been blessed with a job that every actor wants - steady pay and ultimate flexibility.

So this is where I am now. After seven months of panic and worrying and a big, toothy grin, I feel like I've finally arrived. I have a wonderful apartment that feels like home. I have a job that gives me the freedom to pursue my dreams 110%. And I'm slowly building a life here with friends and relationships.

Aside from the stress and anxiety of being a senior in college, graduating, making a transcontinental move, finding a home and a job ... 2008 has been a year of emotional growth as well. My heart has never been heavier to make a change. After my best friend's father passed away this past spring, I saw a drastic shift in my life. Suddenly, I was an adult. I sit at my desk sometimes just thinking about how I got here. That's very hard to do. When you're in grade school and middle school, high school and college - there's an end goal. There's your 13th birthday, then the 16th, 18th and 21st. There's parties and privileges. There's the first lead you get in the school play. There's the first time your parents let you go to the mall alone with your friends or your first drink.

And now? It feels like I'm free-falling. I know I'm moving, but I can't tell which way is up. I'm addicted to the freedom, but sometimes I'm frightened by it's inevitability. I've changed so much this past year. I'm realizing that adult friendships aren't about convenience like they are in high school - they are about accommodating the lives of many people. You work for the friendships you love - even if they live 3000 miles away. I'm realizing that my life is going to keep moving forward despite me. I've found a relationship with God that I fell away from for so long. I found a great church and community that makes me feel less alone and realize that everyone has problems and things that hold them back.

Most importantly, I realized how blessed I've been throughout my life. People like you were put in my way and affected the the direction of my journey. You taught me something that still rings in my head every time I make a decision. I've seen victory and I've seen tragedy. I've been brought to the edge of my will, but in the end, I've never NOT been provided for. I've realized that life is a battle with faith - having faith that things will work themselves out, that you will not perish, that life is about taking chances and taking a leap of faith towards an unknown outcome. In this way we become fearless. I'm not saying that I'm fearless - but i'm well on my way and this is, in part, because of you.

So as the year winds down and we celebrate with our families - I want to say thank you for giving me courage and helping me this far. It hasn't gone unnoticed.

Have a Happy Holiday and a wonderful New Year!

Best,

Mark Cramer