Nala

Nala is Swahili for "Beloved" or "Gift" (depending on who you ask). Either way, she is both. Nala is my new pitbull mix puppy. She came as a surprise and I certainly didn't plan on having her, but when these things happen, they happen. And as we all know, I'm no stranger to fate.

Having Nala also represents a shift in my life. Like the "reset button" in 2011, this attitudinal change in my life is both welcom and necessary. Don't get me wrong, I love being 24 and going out and being crazy, but that will always be there (or at least for the next twenty years if West Hollywood is any indication). With so many factors in my life demanding a greater focus, Nala is one of things I now feel more responsibility towards.

MMM is another area in which my focus grows with greater focus and attention. As I said before, I see this year as our keystone year. That's only going to become a reality with true focus. I've begun the process of truly moving this company forward, reaching out to other businesses for advise and government organizations for direction and aid in getting started. Taking seminars and classes, creating a business plan, consulting with business owners who have fought this battle already - there's many avenues I can walk to learn and grow.

My personal life is yet another area. This year I'll be turning 25 and with that I want to secure a greater accumen for personal financial freedom. Instead of spending so much on bars and clubs; I can begin to adequately pay down student loans and put money away. I've also begun going to the gym again and spending time thinking more acutely about my physical health.

Now, let's be honest: while my life isn't rife with financial and physical irresponsibility, there is that sweet spot we tend to hit which breeds complacency. Life is great. Everything is going our way. Nothing can harm us. Alas, in that complacency, I find little groves of rot can form and eat away at my own productivity over time. I don't want to be a victim of my own sweet spot! So, now is a time of small, but vital adjustments; making sure that the pastures stay green, without weeds or rot.

I gladly welcome these responsibilities and I gladly welcome the little, but indicative changes. I continue to pray for wisdom and favor (as my roommate loves to remind me). With one month down in 2011, I feel the tides turning in a lot of areas in my life. I choose to be fully prepared for what's ahead.

Economy 101

I've taken to the throngs of coffee shop callers and daytime dealers. I've been stripped of my posh office space and forced to do business from mobile wireless connections. That's right, I've be laid off. I've been assured that this is strictly a sign of the times, not personal and so on. The director who I assisted has apologized profusely over the phone, in person, sober, inebriated, backwards and forwards. The fact remains though, that I am jobless. I am like so many Californians (and Americans) trying to apply for unemployment, trying to reach out in every direction for help.

So what? Do I decry what millions have done before me? Am I ashamed of having my days to myself, to the sun, to the world around me? Well, actually, I kind of am. I actually think this is the first time I wish I was back at school. But, that stops now! This isn't personal and I'm a damned good worker. I went from intern to 2nd executive assistant to director's assistant - all the while working in freelance production, starting a new production company and getting my acting career started. I won't be forced to focus on the grave, but on what I have accomplished already.

Frankly, I do not have time to worry and have a pity party for myself. I acknowledge my circumstances, pick up the pieces and forge a new path. This isn't the first time I've had to do so and I'm sure it won't be the last.

So, as I sit in a coffee shop a few blocks from my apartment at 12:20 pm, listening to Beyonce over the loudspeakers, watching a dozen or so pair of hands feverishly type on their Macs and PCs, I'm pushing aside thoughts that will bring me down. There's no point to fret, because this simply is not in my hands. I will work my hardest to put one foot in front of the other. I will be proactive and use my support system to seek out new options. I will pray and trust that God has a bigger plan than I realize. This is the only option I have.

I already see a few glimmers of hope, catching the draft from a few doors that are starting to open. Change, again, has happened into my life and I'll welcome it to the best of my ability.

Oh yeah...

I just realized that I left something big out of the last few posts.

So, I've been writing about how I'll be leaving HSI and that I've been making the transition into freelancing, etc.. Well, an interesting turn of events has changed my "plan" yet again. Two Fridays ago, during my last full week, one of the execs hollered (yes, that's the correct verb) for me. One of our director's assistants had decided to move to Maine with his wife, leaving the position open. He proposed that I step in on a trial period as his assistant. I did, and all parties have agreed that this will become my permanent (or as some would say --- "permalance" --- permanent freelance. Just me? Ok anyway...) position at HSI.

I know what you're thinking :
"But I thought you were better off leaving?"
"Weren't things better this way?"
"What about that fresh start in the right direction!?"

Well yes, I was looking for all of that and I would say that my leaving HSI would have been a blessing in disguise (as are most drastic, unexpected changes); however, this job is much different from my previous job as a 2nd Assistant upstairs. I've now moved downstairs to work as Simon Cole's assistant. Working with the VP and EP of Music Video was much more demanding on a day to day basis. Simon constantly works in LA, NY and the UK. What does that mean? Well, it means that I have a great deal more time to myself as his needs/tasks can be dealt with on on Blackberry and/or computer (aka anywhere). Simon sat me down and explained that I should use this job to my advantage. Work my butt off for him and, in the inevitbale downtime, work my butt off for myself; go on auditions, produce, write, etc..

This job has been an enormous, unexpected blessing. I now have been given the opportunity to have the best of both worlds. The stability of steady work with a great company and the freedom to actively persue my own interests and careers goals. So, with the new year coming, my previous goals remain the same: begin 2009 with a fresh perspective and enlivened spirit to pursue my dreams and remember the reasons I set out here in the first place.

007: License to Kill

I mean... license to drive.

Somehow, this makes things seem a little more permanent...

And now... a moment for the children

I found this in in the children's book section at Target and couldn't help but laugh a little.

Imagine playing in the sandbox in kindergarten, enjoying your free time, hanging with your formative friends. Suddenly, the lights flicker and the teacher (and probably her aid) start singing that clean up song. You throw the little shovel into the box and run to the reading corner. Happily, you roll out one of those weathered leather lily pads that has your name written on it neatly on a piece of masking tape. That teacher sits down quietly and cracks open today's reading delight!
Literally, a children's book outlining the life and accomplishments of our President-Elect. Listen, I'm pro-Obama and I'm excited for what's to come, but America has got to be ready to have patience. Inauguration Day isn't going to change the face of America in an instant. What's even more frightening is there isn't a guarantee that Obama will change anything. I'm not a pessimist; not even a little but - but this children's book just made me a little leary-eyed.

"I get by with a little help from my friends...."

I've been thinking about this Beatles anthem all week. It's amazing to think how time has passed since my formative years, elementary school, middle school, high school, college... now. Some memories are so clear, so vivid - it's as if I lived them yesterday. Other memories are fading exponentially quicker - faces from high school, parties with old friends, the list goes on. This week, I got coffee with one of my best friends from childhood, Noelle. I've been friends with her since middle school. Along with Jeff (my best friend from 2nd grade) and Meg (Noelle's best friend from birth), I have considered myself blessed with the amount of love and support they have provided. I don't know that I would have gotten by without the help of these (and other) friends.

My last few posts have been regarding the large transition that's taking place in my life. The other day, walking to my car after work, I told myself that I was allowed to give in to the anxiety boiling inside of me. I took five minutes to freak out, to relish in every "worse-case-scenario," and to tell myself that there was no answer. After five minutes had passed, I stopped. That was it - I'm no longer allowed to succumb to my anxiety or fear. I have been as proactive as possible about making something happen - and now I must relinquish my need for control and realize that this is no longer in my hands.

The next day, I got coffee with Noelle just to check in. I hadn't had the chance to go to church last week so we didn't get our weekly meeting. After expressing my coping methods with her - she looked at me and in earnest said, "This is the perfect time for God to test you faith, Mark!" Oddly enough, I had just gotten off the phone with Meg who said almost verbatim, the same thing.

What a fascinating --- and glaringly obvious --- concept. How typical of me not to fully grasp this idea on my own. I have no right to freak out. Have I ever found myself without previsions? I guess there's a reason that God said "with the faith of mustard seed, you can move mountains." I mean, if that's the case, shouldn't there be rouge ranges all over the place? Why aren't the Rockies in Florida or the Himalayas in Germany? It's because real faith is difficult. It's not for the faint of heart or the indifferent spirit. Faith means unconditional belief. That, my friends, is a rarity - if at all possible in the purest in form.

Sidenote: Coffee with Noelle at Susina Cafe was straight up East Coast winter stylin'. Warm lighting around a Christmas tree while listening to jazz music and sharing coffee. Sorry... was that too much too soon? It just got me fired up to hang out in Philly and get drinks, hot chocolate and walk down Chestnut St. in the freezing cold!

Anyway, to put a cap on this entry - I did my best to absorb what Meg and Noelle said, and the anxiety is now at a lull. I got a call yesterday to go on set this weekend in Palm Springs at a great rate and got word for a few other freelancing possibilities. If I can book a few more - I'll be good until the end of January.

Ask you shall recieve. Check your motives for these requests. Have a little faith...

... and thank your friends.

In the wake of change....

So, as you can see, this weekend's shoot for DOOR TO DOOR went amazingly well. I am still high from the amount of professionalism, creativity and sheer talent that our crew exhibited. It's often been the case in my independent film-making experience that production elements of similar projects are rarely on the same level. A script may be amazing, but you sacrifice production design. The acting is great, but the sound is awful. You get the point. For the first time, all elements meshed together and rose to the same level. One that, frankly, I'm amazed at.

Besides the technical aspects - the RED Camera (4x the resolution quality of HD), JL Fisher Dolly, etc - our team shone bright. Everything from the cast (Chelsey Bryson, our amazing kids, Mark Rydell, Laura Black), to the script, to the score, to the sound (Keith Wasserman) to the production design (Brent Mason) - everyone stepped up and I couldn't be more excited to have been apart of the this project.

Micah (Director/EP of Movie Magic) and I were talking about what DOOR TO DOOR represented. Since starting MMM, our passion has been creative collaboration. We've learned the price and balance of free flow and structure and this project affirms the proper balance inherent to this company.

We were blessed to have such a strong production team. I learned so much from everyone and will be continue to grow professionally as a result of it.

Having had this project monopolize my mind for the past week, I've put off addressing other worries, concerns and fears. Most specifically that change has, again, infiltrated my life. Daily air raids and attacks on my day-to-day life have become an inevitability. I lost my job at HSI Productions. After interning here over the summer, I was ecstatic to be brought on full time. It was still the slow season in production and while others were struggling to find work, I was lucky enough to land and stay here.

Over the last six months here, I have learned an invaluable amount of information about an industry previously unknown to me. I've also learned about myself and reconfirmed the passion I have for acting. The reason I went to college, the art that helped me survive high school - this is the reason I came here in the first place. I got comfortable at HSI. Steady pay, security, etc. I lost sight of my goals. Having figured all of this out - I told myself that I would leave by the end of the year. The more time passed, the less likely this was an option (especically in the wake of America's economic downfall).

I was called into the office early last week. Tuesday afternoon I was told that our company had not bounced back from the slow period like they had originally expected when I was brought in house. Being a 2nd Assistant, having worked here for a short period of time - these factors played into my being let go. I have to keep telling myself to not make this personal. She was very clear that this was in no way a reflection of the quality of my work, but a sign of the economic times.

I can be at peace with that. In many ways, this is a blessing. I'm trying to pray and keep cool from the beginning of this change - instead of my typical pattern of freaking out, "figuring it out myself" and then at the last moment looking to someone else in desperation. Let's just cut to the helping hand part. I now have the opportunity to start over and look at my life again from a fresh perspective. I'm not weighed down the 1000 more uncertainties of my residency like in August. Now I can focus on my career goals and a lifestyle that benefits my energy, passions and relationships.

So, in the wake of change, I find myself on the brink of something great. Something frighteningly new and fresh - yet, all too familiar. From this point; from on outset, I need to have faith, pray and trust a design bigger than my own. I will ride the wave of change into the new year - one already branded as the dawn of a new era for me, my country and the world.

Change

change [cheynj]
verb, changed, chang·ing, noun
–verb (used with object)

1.	to make the form, nature, content, future course, etc., of (something) different from what it is or from what it would be if left alone: to change one's name; to change one's opinion; to change the course of history.

2.	to transform or convert (usually fol. by into): The witch changed the prince into a toad.

3.	to substitute another or others for; exchange for something else, usually of the same kind: She changed her shoes when she got home from the office.

4.	to become different: Overnight the nation's mood changed.

5.	to become altered or modified: Colors change if they are exposed to the sun.

6.	to become transformed or converted (usually fol. by into): The toad changed into a prince again.

7.	a variation or deviation: a change in the daily routine.

8.	the substitution of one thing for another: We finally made the change to an oil-burning furnace.

9.	the passing from one place, state, form, or phase to another: a change of seasons; social change.

10.	the supplanting of one thing by another.

11.	anything that is or may be substituted for another.

12.	change front, Military. to shift a military force in another direction.

13.	to change hands .

14.	change one's mind, to change one's opinions or intentions.

It's amazing much thought can be afforded to one word. Change. This word effectively umbrellas all the hot button issues of this race for the presidency. The American people are crying out for change and each party is taken note and espousing policies as far from the incumbent as humanly possible.

I just received my absentee ballot in the mail. Now what? I'm torn between both parties, I'll be honest. McCain uses the terms "Straight-talk Express" and Obama presses that McCain is out of touch with reality. The truth of the matter is, these politicians want votes. Will they say anything to get it?

I don't know what scares me more: McCain ending up being like Bush III or Obama not having a clue once he's in office. Time is the only solution to this problem - in the meantime, I have to figure out which of these are more threatening.


Obama is guaranteed "change" - for better or for worse. And McCain promises change with more experience to back up his claims. As the American public we now have the power to change the course of history and transform this country. This definitely is a change in seasons. It's a time for social change, but once the powers that be change hands - let's hope that they don't change their intentions for America.

Register to VOTE if you haven't already. You're not allowed to complain for the next four years if you don't!

http://www.rockthevote.org/

On My Mind

1. New York City/Brooklyn - Maybe I mean the East Coast in general, or maybe it's because when I talk to work people in New York I can hear the background noise... I don't know. Maybe it's because I never gave life there a chance...

2. Cold Weather - It's such a weird feeling that the only change in weather is a slight decrease in temperature at night. People keep commenting on the changing weather back home, but I'm still going to beach regularly (I love that Starbucks in Palisades Village after getting sun burnt)

3. Anonymous details ... wish they weren't anonymous.

4. Changes, lot's of changes - I think it hit me more today than ever. Driving into work today, I realized that I was obeying every road rule known to man. I think that was more for the sake of taking my time then safety.

5. That freaking dream from the other night - it's long and complicated, but needless to say, I've never in my life had dream physically affect me the way this one did. Basically, I woke up in tears. That's never happened.

6. Health - I need to start working out. Sitting at a desk all day is bad for the eyes and I feel all squishy.

7. Boston - I know, I know... but I do miss walking through Beacon Hill to class, having a cup of coffee on Newbury St. and even sitting in the Commons to do homework. Well, I don't miss homework. I also miss coming home to Mahri.

8.
9.
10....

How much change is too much change?

When I was in high school (saying that keeps getting weirder) I was a member of Upper Merion High School's Varsity crew. Crew... that's, um, rowing a boat..ah...competitively. Really, though, crew was one of the staples of my high school experience. To this day, I still use the lessons learned from those four, extremely difficult seasons.

One of the things coaches talk about while training for races is "the threshold of pain" and how to deal with it. In so many words, your threshold of pain is the point where your brain tells you to stop because your body cannot sustain itself physically anymore. An athlete's goal is to recognize this point as merely a mental, and not physical, boundary. If you learn how to will yourself to continue and go even harder - the pain stops. You become invincible.

All of this is to say that after three months in Los Angeles, I am approaching my threshold of pain. I've come to LA to work between school semesters for the past 3 years and every time I get to the third month, I start going stir crazy. These feelings are creeping up on me; closer and closer. I miss the East Coast, I miss my family, my friends. I miss the rain.

So what do I do in response to this feeling? I start planning a trip home of course. Only, I can't find the prices that work, the times, etc.. I'm not planning around class anymore. I have a job and responsibilities. I can't make it work.

I think that I need to take a cue from my high school athletic training (that sounds ridiculous...) and learn to move past this threshold. Can I even apply this idea to my life at this point? Will it all click all of the sudden? I have to keep pushing ahead - School isn't starting up again. This is my life. I'll have to suck it up for now until I learn if this LA threshold actually exists.