Easter 2009

It's been a quiet few weeks for me, job hunting, getting a grasp on my social and emotional life, etc etc. This is the first Easter Sunday I've spent away from home and I thought I'd share some of the brighter side with you. I'll get into the heavy stuff tomorrow I think. I don't feel like thinking about it much right now. Hope your Easter was peaceful, spent with family and full of food! All the best to you and yours.

These are shots from my roommate's mother's apartment downtown. This pool deck is 17 stories up and pretty breathtaking, I must say. Spent the better part of the day here.

This majestic creature is her cat, Obin. I've lovingly dubbed him "Mr. Whiskers." He's pretty much the coolest cat in town.

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Controlling desires, two feet inspired

One step towards what others teach

What holds us back, keeps us looking back

One temptation beyond our slightest reach

Is is worth the fight, worth the endless nights

One dream away from insanity

Should we keep it inside, maintain our pride

One sentence past a healthy plea

Still doubts remain, no end to claim

A novel unfinished on our shelf

Still, questions arise and questions deprive

Memories past and a future's wealth

But keep your feet firm and each step you'll earn

One more mile along your way

Makes it worth the hurt, a new rebirth

One more layer around us, here to stay

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I want to travel the world
Lose myself in a cafe
Buried under a pile of unread novels and stale coffee
I want to leave here and have no schedule
No job, be poor. Struggle.
Learn and live only through demonstration

I want to travel alone
Fend for myself, buy bread for myself, drink wine for myself
I want to lose myself in the countryside
Buried under a pile of blank pages, waiting to be filled
I want to flee here, and free my mind
Give in to endless thought and contemplation

I want to travel with you
Lie by ourselves, drink wine by ourselves
I want to see the world through your eyes
And lose myself in endless conversations
Buried under a pile of scribbled notations
Fill books with new thoughts, our endless imagination

Our world exists, protected under cover
Our knowledge bound to one, freed by another

Rush

Halloween is a few days away and it's definitely a scarier world.

I can feel my new life, filled with adventure, commitment and a 9 to 5 shifting underneath me. Is it the San Andreas Fault? No. It's my own neurosis shaking me stupid. My need for control is unbelievable, insatiable - it's poison.

I go through these cycles of peace and understanding with the passing hours. Day by day is enough and the future is only a product of now. Those feelings will pass and are replaced by my incessant need to plan plan plan. It starts small: "What am I doing this weekend?" Then it grows. I start kicking people out of my life who make me feel like I'm loosing control.

It's just my nature. I can't really escape it - though I shouldn't ignore who I am. I think part of my new life out here; that is, determining the manner of my adult life, is figuring out the balance. How do I use this quality to my advantage instead of stifling it for a period and then allowing it to explode and consume my life.

Breath and relax.

Stop making people wreckage in the wake of my mind.

Pray.

Praying has become really crucial in life.