"And oh my heart is smiling"

Earlier this week, I got an email from one of my closest friends and roommate from Emerson, Mahri. She had emailed a few people in our circle something she had written. It struck me so hard. She's an incredible author and musician. I find myself listening to her music often as she has this uncanny ability to speak to her audience in this universal way. She wrote:

"Feel like its time 'cause I've followed the signs for all my life,

And oh my heart is smiling

Need for my wish and my stars to align, 'cause in this life,

The heart grows tired of smiling

I'll never control my desires, we live for hunger

Till my last breath I will feel, only LOVE"

Each phrase speaks to a very different emotion. It seems to outline a journey.

First, that feeling that everything up to this point has primed you for what's next. You walk through the door happy and ready to accept it. Next, what if it isn't time? How can we be sure about what's coming next or what we're prepared for? Doesn't the old adage suggest that nothing can truly prepare you for life? Sometimes amidst all the understanding, you lose yourself. You grow frustrated as you analyze everything and try to itemize everything to the point of understanding nothing! Finally -and this is my favorite - she says that trying to comprehend and catagorize your life is pointless. Ultimately, our desires and needs will pull us, or motivate us, forward. We're on a journey purposefully, and sometimes blissfully ignorant, towards our own final goal.

Now, I'm sure I'll get a call from Mahri asking me about this interpretation, but I can't help it. That's what I see and, again, why I think Mahri's music and words are great. You can see yourself in what she writes. And that's what I'm saying.

Check out Mahri's stuff on her Myspace (also on the side navigation bar).

"Baby to get by, you just need to let go..."

Yesterday was no fun. No fun for no one. At least the part where I was at work and returning from work.

I don't know if this is a cycle that will eventually work its way out of my system the longer I settle in Los Angeles or if it's just a part of life; but there are days when I wake up and all I want to do is throw in the towel. I want to pack up and go back East. Nothing seems satisfactory. Nothing seems fulfilling. It sounds so pessimistic, but there are those other days too. The days where I drive down the street and the sun makes me smile. The trees seem to line the street more neatly than usually. Where sitting outside with a cup of a coffee and a friend makes this city so worth while. Like I said: it's cyclical. There are good days and bad days. Yesterday just happened to be the latter.

After a day filled with busy work and blank stares, I was finally able to go home. It was early! Things were looking up. It ended up taking another two hours to get home - mostly because of my own stupidity and a serious lack of focus.

The good thing about bad days is that they end. They are short-lived. The light at the end of the tunnel is my bed, pillow and comforter. I just sleep it off. Wake up and try again. In the mean time, I try to find the good in all the bad that sems to cloud my momentary judgement. Whether thats a song on a the radio or treating myself to some food that I love. Luckily, I got both before bedtime.

2 things really helped me chill out yesterday. Here is information and a link to both:

1) Listening to "Let Go" by Mahriami.

Yes, she's my former roommate/best friend/sister/a multitude of other things, but if you haven't given her music some serious attention yet ... you're foolish. I've always said that Mahri has a way of appealing to everyone's sensibility through her lyrics. I don't know what it is or how she does it, but her insight is so spot on. Last night, this song cooled me down as I pounded my steering wheel and screamed at passing cars.

www.myspace.com/mahriami

2) Stuffing my face at Yogurt-land (La Brea and 3rd)

Self-serve. Frozen Yogurt. 20 flavor choices + 20 topping choices = a lot of choices. $.30 an ounce. Just go already.

http://www.yogurt-land.com/